Ok so there is a moment in Friday evenings class* when we are discussing being responsible for what shows up in our lives and I start to consider how I am about being single.
I am resigned and fearful of the alternative.
The more the talk continues , the more I start to feel physically sick with nerves and I know that I am close to having a breakthrough.
And so I take the first step...I put up my hand and share with the other participants that I would like to be in a loving committed relationship..
( even as I say it , I can hear a voice in my head shouting "but do you Marie-Claire? Do you really want to give up being single and commit to one other person? Do you want to choose one person, cutting off all other options? Wont there always be someone better?)....
...and I ignore the voice in my head and the nerves in my body
and I declare that I am now being someone who can be in a loving committed relationship.
Phew!
Ill let you know what actions and opportunities open up for me ......
PS On the tube this morning in London , a complete stranger , a very good looking guy, offered to put my necklace on for me and I graciously accepted his offer. It was a gorgeous moment.
* For more information about the classes I attend in London and about The Landmark Forum, visit www.landmarkeducation.com
Saturday, 24 April 2010
Giving up the story
Hello there ...how are you today?
I am back in Chester after a momentous time in London.
I attended my evening class at Landmark Education (ILP) and found myself really confronted by the fact that I am single and I feel that being single means there is something wrong with me . There isnt. I just think there is.
I hear others introduce themselves at network meetings: " Hello , my name is Jan . I head up a successful business in .....and I have a gorgeous husband and three beautiful children at home " You really get a picture of Jan as a loving capable well rounded stable and responsible individual. "Hi, Im Marie-Claire and Im single ...." and I can' go on as for me that reads "and Im a sad lonely cow!"
Except that thats hardly true...Im surrounded by loving friends and family!
So on Friday evening , I decided to give up my story about being single.
Wanna hear my story?
Im 17 and its Christmas Day and I'm happy, sitting in the drawing room at home with my Mum Dad and two younger sisters. The Christmas tree lights are sparkling and we are just about to open the huge pile of presents. My life is great. I have a gorgeous boyfriend called Nigel Green. He is the best catch! He is tall with slick blond hair and brilliant bue eyes. He s older than me and has already left school, has a job and drives a flash red car. I just love it when he turns up at the school gates or at home to whisk me out for the evening in his car. I feel very grown up , sexy and loved. So we are sitting in the living room, the fiveof us, and the doorbell goes. My Dad goes to answer it , closely followed by my Mum. Then I spot Nigels car in the drive way and I rush out to join them at the front door. My Dad is explaining to Nigel that it is not appropriate for to visit on Christmas Day. It is a family day. Nigel is furious. He spins on his heels shouting "Thats it! We 're over" He jumps in his car, puts it into gear and reverses sharply around the side of the house before speeding off down the driveway....and I am left totally devastated and hysterical. As far as I am concerned , "thats it! I am without boyfriend ...and it is all my parents fault!" I am beside myself.
...and what I didnt realise until I did the Landmark Forum was that I had carried on blaming my parents for the next 30 years!
Oh not obviously, but on a deeper level there was a part of me that held them responsible.
And how did I make them suffer? By remaining single, and unhappily single. After all, dont all parents want their children to be in happy loving relationships?
I now realise that what happened, happened. At 17 I was old enough to speak up and to have an impact on what happened. Instead I gave all responsibility to my parents and chose the story of a victim instead.
Oh and I had not just been blaming my parents....I never trusted a man again,of course!
The story I had created in my head at the age of 17 was that men leave you..
...and that story in my head was still running my life!
And so I give up the story...and I start to attract love into my life.
Whats your story?
I am back in Chester after a momentous time in London.
I attended my evening class at Landmark Education (ILP) and found myself really confronted by the fact that I am single and I feel that being single means there is something wrong with me . There isnt. I just think there is.
I hear others introduce themselves at network meetings: " Hello , my name is Jan . I head up a successful business in .....and I have a gorgeous husband and three beautiful children at home " You really get a picture of Jan as a loving capable well rounded stable and responsible individual. "Hi, Im Marie-Claire and Im single ...." and I can' go on as for me that reads "and Im a sad lonely cow!"
Except that thats hardly true...Im surrounded by loving friends and family!
So on Friday evening , I decided to give up my story about being single.
Wanna hear my story?
Im 17 and its Christmas Day and I'm happy, sitting in the drawing room at home with my Mum Dad and two younger sisters. The Christmas tree lights are sparkling and we are just about to open the huge pile of presents. My life is great. I have a gorgeous boyfriend called Nigel Green. He is the best catch! He is tall with slick blond hair and brilliant bue eyes. He s older than me and has already left school, has a job and drives a flash red car. I just love it when he turns up at the school gates or at home to whisk me out for the evening in his car. I feel very grown up , sexy and loved. So we are sitting in the living room, the fiveof us, and the doorbell goes. My Dad goes to answer it , closely followed by my Mum. Then I spot Nigels car in the drive way and I rush out to join them at the front door. My Dad is explaining to Nigel that it is not appropriate for to visit on Christmas Day. It is a family day. Nigel is furious. He spins on his heels shouting "Thats it! We 're over" He jumps in his car, puts it into gear and reverses sharply around the side of the house before speeding off down the driveway....and I am left totally devastated and hysterical. As far as I am concerned , "thats it! I am without boyfriend ...and it is all my parents fault!" I am beside myself.
...and what I didnt realise until I did the Landmark Forum was that I had carried on blaming my parents for the next 30 years!
Oh not obviously, but on a deeper level there was a part of me that held them responsible.
And how did I make them suffer? By remaining single, and unhappily single. After all, dont all parents want their children to be in happy loving relationships?
I now realise that what happened, happened. At 17 I was old enough to speak up and to have an impact on what happened. Instead I gave all responsibility to my parents and chose the story of a victim instead.
Oh and I had not just been blaming my parents....I never trusted a man again,of course!
The story I had created in my head at the age of 17 was that men leave you..
...and that story in my head was still running my life!
And so I give up the story...and I start to attract love into my life.
Whats your story?
Thursday, 22 April 2010
Slacking on the Date front!
Dear all
Last week was a bit dry on the date front.
More than a few people were asking me about my true intention of causing 20 dates and it was easy for me to get confused. Is it just a game I am playing or do I really want a boyfriend? Am I putting off having a boyfriend til September? Am I being fair and honest to the men I am dating?
Lots of questions , and a slow down of activity as a result.
So I resolve to be back on track by the weekend when I am planning to be back in Chester and I have at least two single girlfriends, Cindy and Michelle, who are up for a night out! Should be fun...
As for the questions ....well, I am committed to find the perfect person for me and I trust that I will know who that person is when I find them. In the meantime, I still need to get out more! And as I experience the dates I realise where I dont want to compromise.
For example, I realise that I want to be with someone who excites me enough to want to kiss them! If thats not there at the beginning, its unlikely still to be there after ten years together, I reckon ...( I can hear some of you protesting already!!) Feel free to post your comments and lets get some discussion going!
I clearly could do with some friendly guidance!
Thank you
MC
PS Those of you who have declared to be joining in on the 20 date challenge ...let us know how you are getting on. If you havent had a date yet, you need to get started!!!
Enjoy a flirtatious fun day!
Last week was a bit dry on the date front.
More than a few people were asking me about my true intention of causing 20 dates and it was easy for me to get confused. Is it just a game I am playing or do I really want a boyfriend? Am I putting off having a boyfriend til September? Am I being fair and honest to the men I am dating?
Lots of questions , and a slow down of activity as a result.
So I resolve to be back on track by the weekend when I am planning to be back in Chester and I have at least two single girlfriends, Cindy and Michelle, who are up for a night out! Should be fun...
As for the questions ....well, I am committed to find the perfect person for me and I trust that I will know who that person is when I find them. In the meantime, I still need to get out more! And as I experience the dates I realise where I dont want to compromise.
For example, I realise that I want to be with someone who excites me enough to want to kiss them! If thats not there at the beginning, its unlikely still to be there after ten years together, I reckon ...( I can hear some of you protesting already!!) Feel free to post your comments and lets get some discussion going!
I clearly could do with some friendly guidance!
Thank you
MC
PS Those of you who have declared to be joining in on the 20 date challenge ...let us know how you are getting on. If you havent had a date yet, you need to get started!!!
Enjoy a flirtatious fun day!
Thursday, 15 April 2010
He didnt show up.....
Ok so maybe it wasnt a proper date ...but he didnt show up!
And its OK not to show up ...if your cats just died or you're traumatised by your tax bill, as long as you make contact and let the person ( me) know!!
It doesnt cost much to be polite ...and you know what, theres not much that I get p...ed off about but manners never hUrt anybody (CLICHES COME IN HANDY SOMETIMES)
The man I spent 8 years with ...Ok so it was a bit on and off...proposed , sort of ...well, it was more of an offer to be a "life partner " (whatever thats meant to be ) rather than an offer of a hand in marriage....anyway, when he proposed , I said "no"
and do you know why I said "no"?
Because he was late ...AND he couldnt be bothered to phone or even text to say that he was gonna be late!
Now you may think that I was being a bit unfair there...maybe there was more to it *(dont ask!)
but lets face it , if a man, or woman , doesnt think of the other person in the simple scenario of lateness, what are the odds of receiving some consideration when something more serious goes pear shaped ??
Needless to say ...Goldwing and eco house or no Goldwing and Eco house...last nights possibility will not be hearing from me again.
So looking forward, I have been asked recently " what will happen if I meet my perfect man on date number 5?" Great question!
My first response was that no matter how perfect he appeared to me I am dedicated to making no swift decisions this time round. One of my recent dates told me that he loved me the first time we met ....uh , hello????
He didnt even know me!
He hadnt seen the half empty bottle of Baileys in the back of the kitchen cupboard or the cat hairs on my dining chairs. He hadnt witnessed the wrath of a wild woman as an official at Companies House treats her like a kid from Kinderfarten or experienced the spoily brat who comes out to play when things arent going her way.
He hadnt felt the enormity of what he might be taking on as he uttered those words...quel fool!
Fortunately I was wise enough to make him totally wrong and wipe the floor with him before spitting him out with my cocopops in the morning!!
OK OK ...Im joking.
He didnt get to stay for breakfast..
No, I have fallen for guys at first sight before and it is the moment to become wary . Weak knees, a flutter in the stomach and that horrible neediness that forces you to text at 2am ,
just to ask what they thought of that evenings political broadcast..
That cant be the real thing.
That is what they commonly call lust ...
...and its bl..dy fantastic!
Been there , done that and got at least five T - shirts.
Now Im seriously after the real thing and as Ive never (knowingly) experienced the real thing, I need to start doing something very different.....
like having more than one date, before they get to hold my hand!
Call me radical.
Call me oldfashioned
but desperate times need desperate measures
Trouble is, Im dying to have a snog....
I might have to up the numbers by finding a speed dating evening ....is there anything on in London tomorrow evening I wonder.....
And its OK not to show up ...if your cats just died or you're traumatised by your tax bill, as long as you make contact and let the person ( me) know!!
It doesnt cost much to be polite ...and you know what, theres not much that I get p...ed off about but manners never hUrt anybody (CLICHES COME IN HANDY SOMETIMES)
The man I spent 8 years with ...Ok so it was a bit on and off...proposed , sort of ...well, it was more of an offer to be a "life partner " (whatever thats meant to be ) rather than an offer of a hand in marriage....anyway, when he proposed , I said "no"
and do you know why I said "no"?
Because he was late ...AND he couldnt be bothered to phone or even text to say that he was gonna be late!
Now you may think that I was being a bit unfair there...maybe there was more to it *(dont ask!)
but lets face it , if a man, or woman , doesnt think of the other person in the simple scenario of lateness, what are the odds of receiving some consideration when something more serious goes pear shaped ??
Needless to say ...Goldwing and eco house or no Goldwing and Eco house...last nights possibility will not be hearing from me again.
So looking forward, I have been asked recently " what will happen if I meet my perfect man on date number 5?" Great question!
My first response was that no matter how perfect he appeared to me I am dedicated to making no swift decisions this time round. One of my recent dates told me that he loved me the first time we met ....uh , hello????
He didnt even know me!
He hadnt seen the half empty bottle of Baileys in the back of the kitchen cupboard or the cat hairs on my dining chairs. He hadnt witnessed the wrath of a wild woman as an official at Companies House treats her like a kid from Kinderfarten or experienced the spoily brat who comes out to play when things arent going her way.
He hadnt felt the enormity of what he might be taking on as he uttered those words...quel fool!
Fortunately I was wise enough to make him totally wrong and wipe the floor with him before spitting him out with my cocopops in the morning!!
OK OK ...Im joking.
He didnt get to stay for breakfast..
No, I have fallen for guys at first sight before and it is the moment to become wary . Weak knees, a flutter in the stomach and that horrible neediness that forces you to text at 2am ,
just to ask what they thought of that evenings political broadcast..
That cant be the real thing.
That is what they commonly call lust ...
...and its bl..dy fantastic!
Been there , done that and got at least five T - shirts.
Now Im seriously after the real thing and as Ive never (knowingly) experienced the real thing, I need to start doing something very different.....
like having more than one date, before they get to hold my hand!
Call me radical.
Call me oldfashioned
but desperate times need desperate measures
Trouble is, Im dying to have a snog....
I might have to up the numbers by finding a speed dating evening ....is there anything on in London tomorrow evening I wonder.....
Wednesday, 14 April 2010
When is a date not a date?
Ok so I managed yesterday to find a quick 5 minutes to go on "plenty of fish" and responded to an OK looking guy who lived within an hour of Chester. We managed to speak this morning and he sounded great fun!
...drove a Goldwing and worked with Eco friendly houses ...in many ways my ideal man!
So, when he asked what I was up to today I couldnt resist inviting him along to the "Introduction to Landmark Forum" that Im hosting this evening! Not quite what one would expect from a date but I reasoned , that we both get a chance to check each other out within a safe environment and at least , if he cant bear the sight of me (!?), he gets to enjoy an interesting evening where he might find out something interesting about himself .
Well, I reckoned that it had the potential of a win win scenario....you might just think that Im completely bonkers!
To be honest though, I dont think this really counts as a proper date ...unless of course he asks me for a drink afterwards....
Ill let you know ....
...drove a Goldwing and worked with Eco friendly houses ...in many ways my ideal man!
So, when he asked what I was up to today I couldnt resist inviting him along to the "Introduction to Landmark Forum" that Im hosting this evening! Not quite what one would expect from a date but I reasoned , that we both get a chance to check each other out within a safe environment and at least , if he cant bear the sight of me (!?), he gets to enjoy an interesting evening where he might find out something interesting about himself .
Well, I reckoned that it had the potential of a win win scenario....you might just think that Im completely bonkers!
To be honest though, I dont think this really counts as a proper date ...unless of course he asks me for a drink afterwards....
Ill let you know ....
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
Two dates and no action!
Hello again
Its after the weekend and I have definitely got off to a start!
Within 24 hours of declaring my intention of going on 20 dates, an ex-boyfriend showed up and invited me out for drinks and dinner! Amazing how the power of intention and public declaration can work!
Anyway we had a gorgeous evening , and I got to remember how lovely it is to be taken out and treated by a guy. To really understand that it is a pleasure for him to want to provide for me and to receive graciosly. We had a gorgeous and easy evening and I really felt that Id got off to a great start
Apart from one thing ....this date didnt really count as 1) he was an ex, and I m not really in the business of going over old ground, and 2) far more importantly, he has a girlfriend and so neither of us were actually interested in actually creating a relationship!
But for me, it was a great start into feeling valued and feminine ....and getting into my new habit of going on dates!
Date number 2 went a bit further, as I arranged to meet up with an old friend that I have known for 20 years, and who is definitely single and highly eligible!
We had the most glorious fun time. He cooked me a yummy dinner and the next day he took me for a lazy sunday lunch. We laughed , we sang, we joked around...it was fun, easy and playful.
But absolutely no action . Not even a kiss.
Will definitely see him again as maybe it was just the nervousness of the first date.....
Will keep you updated...
This morning I relaunched myself onto a dating website and connected with a couple of guys...but to be honest I have an action packed day , as usual, and I dont have much time for internet chit chat so Im hoping theyll be men of action and make a move sooner than later!
Meanwhile, Im in a quandry ....should I reveal my challenge to the men Im dating? It seems dishonest not to ...but would I really fancy going out with someone who has another 18 dates lined up?
What do you reckon?
Its after the weekend and I have definitely got off to a start!
Within 24 hours of declaring my intention of going on 20 dates, an ex-boyfriend showed up and invited me out for drinks and dinner! Amazing how the power of intention and public declaration can work!
Anyway we had a gorgeous evening , and I got to remember how lovely it is to be taken out and treated by a guy. To really understand that it is a pleasure for him to want to provide for me and to receive graciosly. We had a gorgeous and easy evening and I really felt that Id got off to a great start
Apart from one thing ....this date didnt really count as 1) he was an ex, and I m not really in the business of going over old ground, and 2) far more importantly, he has a girlfriend and so neither of us were actually interested in actually creating a relationship!
But for me, it was a great start into feeling valued and feminine ....and getting into my new habit of going on dates!
Date number 2 went a bit further, as I arranged to meet up with an old friend that I have known for 20 years, and who is definitely single and highly eligible!
We had the most glorious fun time. He cooked me a yummy dinner and the next day he took me for a lazy sunday lunch. We laughed , we sang, we joked around...it was fun, easy and playful.
But absolutely no action . Not even a kiss.
Will definitely see him again as maybe it was just the nervousness of the first date.....
Will keep you updated...
This morning I relaunched myself onto a dating website and connected with a couple of guys...but to be honest I have an action packed day , as usual, and I dont have much time for internet chit chat so Im hoping theyll be men of action and make a move sooner than later!
Meanwhile, Im in a quandry ....should I reveal my challenge to the men Im dating? It seems dishonest not to ...but would I really fancy going out with someone who has another 18 dates lined up?
What do you reckon?
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
Officially the first full day ...and something is different!
Hello
and welcome!
So yesterday, on a flight of fancy , I decide that I need to do something drastically different to alter my single status ...after all , as the saying goes ..." If you always do what youve always done, you'll always get what you ve always gotten!
and its quite magical how just by setting the intention , something new shows up!
Today was a great start to my new adventure
In the petrol station I attracted the attention of two guys and today I had two male visitors to my home ...both friends and one came back later and invited me out for the evening. OK so it was only as friends but it felt gorgeous to be taken out by a guy for drinks and a meal and it was a great start!
One male friend told me off last night . He pointed out that I had in fact been dating a couple of guys over the last few months....He didnt think much of my "date challenge". Personally , I think he was just jealous!
Another male friend liked the idea ....so much so that he created his own version and book of it!
Of course I personally nicked the idea from the lady who wrote the book"Around the world in 80 dates" (cant remember her name and Ive posted the book to a girlfriend) I believe it was a true story ( and please dont tell me otherwise) as she found her perfect partner.OK so he was about number 50 odd so I reckon if I set out for 20 dates , I should fall in love aroundnumber 12-15! Either that , or Ill have to keep going til I reach at least 50 plus ....but Im optimistic
and as I keep saying, Im off to a great start!
Thanks for your support - do let me know how youre getting on!
lots of love
Marie-Claire xx
and welcome!
So yesterday, on a flight of fancy , I decide that I need to do something drastically different to alter my single status ...after all , as the saying goes ..." If you always do what youve always done, you'll always get what you ve always gotten!
and its quite magical how just by setting the intention , something new shows up!
Today was a great start to my new adventure
In the petrol station I attracted the attention of two guys and today I had two male visitors to my home ...both friends and one came back later and invited me out for the evening. OK so it was only as friends but it felt gorgeous to be taken out by a guy for drinks and a meal and it was a great start!
One male friend told me off last night . He pointed out that I had in fact been dating a couple of guys over the last few months....He didnt think much of my "date challenge". Personally , I think he was just jealous!
Another male friend liked the idea ....so much so that he created his own version and book of it!
Of course I personally nicked the idea from the lady who wrote the book"Around the world in 80 dates" (cant remember her name and Ive posted the book to a girlfriend) I believe it was a true story ( and please dont tell me otherwise) as she found her perfect partner.OK so he was about number 50 odd so I reckon if I set out for 20 dates , I should fall in love aroundnumber 12-15! Either that , or Ill have to keep going til I reach at least 50 plus ....but Im optimistic
and as I keep saying, Im off to a great start!
Thanks for your support - do let me know how youre getting on!
lots of love
Marie-Claire xx
Tuesday, 6 April 2010
Introducing The Date Challenge
Ok, so my life is OK but I ve finally realised that there may be something missing. I am an attractive interesting woman. I dress well. I am intelligent and articulate. I am loving and can be playful. I live a full life and have plenty of friends and a loving family. I own my own house, car and business. I have fun. And the only thing that appears to be missing is ....a boyfriend. Actually, just a date would be a good start!
So if there s something missing in your life , the best advice I would give a friend is go do something about it!
So I decided to challenge myself- publicly- to go on 20 dates in the next 5 months!
Not too hard you may think for a gorgeous woman like me, but believe it or not, I can hardly remember the last time I went on a date! And I dont yet know where all these yummy guys are gonna appear from ...
...so I need your help!
Where do I start to find a date for this week?
How do I clear space in my diary to fit in a date?
When to say yes and when to say no to a date?
and the biggest question of all, is it ok to ask a guy out on a date?
So if there s something missing in your life , the best advice I would give a friend is go do something about it!
So I decided to challenge myself- publicly- to go on 20 dates in the next 5 months!
Not too hard you may think for a gorgeous woman like me, but believe it or not, I can hardly remember the last time I went on a date! And I dont yet know where all these yummy guys are gonna appear from ...
...so I need your help!
Where do I start to find a date for this week?
How do I clear space in my diary to fit in a date?
When to say yes and when to say no to a date?
and the biggest question of all, is it ok to ask a guy out on a date?
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